There are times where I feel so alone. I know I have friends. But you know when you need someone who sees you on your side of the world? Yeah I meant that special someone... but when all you need is a minute or two on the phone. It may be late, it may be early, they may be doing homework, but still, they would get off the phone just to see if you are alright. Not to get anything out of it, just to see if you are alright.
            I don't have that. All I get is, 'are you alright' when my wellbeing has any significance within his life; Such as my impregnation. I don’t get any form of care if it just comes to my well being. Like the other day when we have an inkling that I was pregnant.
            I was chucking it up from 2 in the morning until that day. I still staggered to get myself to school. And by 2^nd period, my gag reflex was in double play. I had a headache the size of Jupiter growing not only in my head but in my stomach. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t concentrate. And I was on so much medication that it was coming out of my ears. And he just wanted to make sure that he wasn’t becoming a teenage father.
            I was pregnant, and obviously, I wasn’t going to tell him. I told him it was alright, we were cool once again. And I listened to him ramble on about how he ‘wasted’ money on pregnancy tests that came out negative anyway. I just took it all in, realising what I got myself into.
            My chance to be a mother, this may sound wrong from a 16 year old, but I was born to be a mother. I live to hold my offspring, read them stories and read them stories til they fall asleep. My own little angel to look after until role reversal. But how was I going to do it at 16? I can’t do it on my own. I don’t have an income and my parents would kick me out, and I couldn’t go to him…
            I called the clinic that night; I needed to get rid of this spawn before it was too late.
            The next day after school.
            I went alone to finally get rid of it. After a periodically short time waiting. And I gave it up. All by myself with no one to hold my hand. And I can’t believe it. Even though it wasn’t as painful as I thought. Even though I wasn’t putting my future in jeopardy. I had never felt so EMPTY in my life…
            I can’t believe I gave up my child. I feel like a murderer. Me, year 12, and a murderer… I am never going to forget this for the rest of my life…
            But I have to mention that one of my friends did help me. I didn’t tell anyone but her. and she really made me feel a lot better…

And you know what? I almost told him today and he didn’t pick up. I didn’t think anything of it, until it was 8 at night and he still hadn’t returned my calls. I went online, and saw his nickname. After school hangouts? He fucking dogged me for people that wouldn’t even know of his existance if i wasn't dating him?!
            Of all the ungrateful people i know, he is the most. and doesn't even realise it.
            Should I Just give up the hurt?

I still think of you sometimes... you may not realise but I do... When you called me, i was thinking of you. You may find that so difficult to comprehend. I don't know why but? You just popped into my head. and when we were talking, and you remembered all the little things. like special days and little fears... made me realise why i first fell in love with you. It wasn't easy to get over you. thats why i never did... as pathetic as this may sound... I do want to get over it... cause i sound like a clingy bitch, incapable of letting go. Help me get over you.